Farewell England

I was sorry to leave England -- except for the driving part. I had a gloriously sunny week -- uncharacteristic for October. A few random thoughts on the country I've recently left.

The English and the Americans are “two peoples separated by a common language,” Sir Winston Churchill famously observed. His father was English and his mother American, so in addition to his stratospheric intelligence and native wit, he was in a good position to know.

What?

My nomination for the linguistic obfuscation winner is the following, printed in large black type (not small lawyerly type) on a ticket dispensed in a parking structure:

SURVEYS UNDERTAKEN & COMPLETE SCHEMES SUBMITTED WITHOUT OBLIGATION

My favorite (or should I write, favourite?) for highway whimsy:

POSSIBLE QUEUES ON SLIP ROAD

That means there might be a backup on a motorway exit ramp (because there’s a damned roundabout right at the top of it).

More Reasons Why Driving in England is Confusing

These two sign posts are on opposite sides of what we would call the village green in the town of Staplefield. You will notice that the only names that appear on both signposts are Handcross, Waringlid and Slaugham -- and one of the posts presents two suggestions for reaching Waringlid. If you were looking for any other village and were looking at the wrong signpost, you would not have a clue.


















Product Names and Brands that Amuse Me

A pencil eraser is called a rubber, which makes sense because it is (or originally was) made of rubber and it rubs out pencil marks. The American vernacular carries quite a different meaning.
Non-dairy creamer for coffee is called whitener, which Americans associate with dental bleach.
The timeshare apartment where I stayed has a wall-mounted, pull-chain-operated space heater made by Dimplex in each bathroom. The fridge is made by “LEC The Fridge People.” The electric cooktop (generically called a hob) is made by Candy – but the wall oven inexplicably by Zanussi. The dishwasher is a Hotpoint, the only familiar appliance name here. The shampoo and conditioner at one hotel I stayed were labeled Pecksniff, which could be an olde Englishe Companye – or just dreadful branding.